Wednesday, June 6, 2012

You don't know what now to do

A friend of mine had asked me the other day how Emery handled meeting her new baby brother for the first time. It brought me back to almost a year ago remembering those moments and how foggy they seem to be already. I am so blessed to have had those moments on camera because it melted my heart seeing it all over again.

I was very nervous about how Emery would handle everything. She was 19 months old when Rivers was born, so I was worried about how well she would understand having a sibling around ALL OF THE TIME. 

As a mother I was feeling a whole lot of guilt leaving Emery behind [to go have another baby]. To be completely honest, I felt as if I was abandoning her. How could I bring another baby into her life? How could I steal away all of that attention from her? My biggest concern was that she was not going to take to having a brother very well, and that her and I would no longer have a close bond.

For Rivers, I was worried I couldn't love him the way I loved Emery so deeply. So unconditionally. And I didn't. Not at first.You see, I went through a really deep postpartum depression with Emery, and at the time was completely uneducated about it, I thought it was normal to feel the way I did, having never experienced it before.
With Rivers I was a little more aware and ready for what feelings were going to come. Or so I thought. I shut down. As sad and as horrible as it is to admit, I wanted nothing to do with Rivers when I was in the hospital. I felt like the worst mom, not only to Emery but now to him. I didn't know what to do except to pop pills and ride the waves of emotions that soon followed.

Fortunately for me I had an incredible husband. We got through it. I had to grow to love Rivers, but it didn't take long. And believe it or not Emery confirmed to me that it was okay to love him, because I could see how much she loved him from the moment she met him. She was better than okay, she was incredible. Her world got turned upside down with a huge chain events that took place in 6 short weeks. But I looked up to my 19 month old daughter for how strong she was. She helped me get through a really hard couple months. 

Here we are, almost one year later, and they are best friends. They love each other more than I can ever describe, as a parent that's just something you have to experience to know how wonderful and rewarding that is. I thought having one kid was a miracle. Having two is such a blessing. They have each other forever. 

Emery was, as expected, overwhelmed with meeting her new brother. We made a few mistakes with how we went about it ie: having other family members in the room. But after we got home she warmed up to him so quickly and my doubts about how she would cope seemed to fade. She is MY rock.

Watch the video of her meeting him HERE

Taken two weeks ago!


Steoffrey said...

Thanks so much for posting, and so honestly, too! I may or may not have teared up watching that video-- I can't believe I'm going to be experiencing this in just a couple weeks! EEE!!!!

The Jacobs said...

That video just made me cry when I watched it... It's so sweet. They are going to be the best of friends. I love this<3